Be Still, journalling…

Hello my Friends,

I have been watching a video on sharing and caring with my Be Still class and the topic of journaling came up, in some ways I think that my posts are like my journal;

Some people journal to express their happiness, some journal to express the inner most feelings. I am sure if I really looked inwards and was honest with myself, I tend to keep everything to myself, I am an introvert; I get quiet and probably moody when things get difficult, or I am struggling. I generally don’t talk to others about my problems, I know it’s not necessarily healthy, it’s just me. I used to write a personal journal, which was for no one but me, but I actually found it tended to be self destructive in a way. Sure I could write my inner most doubts and fears, but in thinking back on that, I felt like writing them down made them more lifelike, or even larger than life.

These days I tend to not dwell so much, but sit and think on things, enjoy some quiet; or sometimes not think ~ just be, breathe and exist. I think most of us, think that we are alone, in our fears, struggles, but if we just allow ourselves to reach out, we discover that we are not alone. Whether it’s as a Mother, a Wife, and artist or a Photographer.

Shame, Self Doubt and self criticism is part of who some of us are, I used to think it was just me, now I know it isn’t. I used to crave people telling me my stuff is good, it’s like getting affirmation for what we are doing. It’s not a narcissistic thing, it’s not self gratification, it’s almost the opposite.  Then I had that light bulb moment; was I truly enjoying what I was doing? Was I doing WHAT I wanted? If not then what the hell was I doing? If there was no joy and I didn’t like my stuff, then I had to change what I was doing. I started this journey for myself and I have to do what is right for me. The best part is that now, I am truly doing what I love is making my images so much better and I have received so much more praise for my art and respect from other artists. My joy and excitement are visible seen in what I do, I have also learned; I am not alone.

I have met (even if it is just virtually) so many people so much like myself, creative individuals; artists, writers, painters, photographers we all tend to enjoy the same things, we have similar fears and struggles and although we may be a different stages in our lives, we are walking a similar road alone; but together. I feel a true sense or community through my photography, that I never really felt before.

Mmm….I think not having a studio to play with is giving me too much time to think? 🙂 Soon I will be back in and ready to play and make pretty pictures again. Still life has taken a back seat to real life, but that is OK, as the best thing about Still Life…it will be there and ready when I am, it’s not going anywhere.

~ Julz, xo

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